In my first paid job as a leader I supervised recent high school graduates working at a residential summer camp. I was only 2-3 years older than them and failed to see the positional power difference between us.
So when I walked throughout the campus and said, “Good morning, Lyn How’re you doing?” I didn’t understand why Lyn explained what she was doing. For several days I repeated the conversation with different people, always getting the same result: I said “how are you doing” and they would explain what they were doing.
It took someone wiser than me to point out that the positional difference affected what they heard. They heard a request for an explanation of their activity when I thought I was just using another phrase for “good morning. How are you?”
Your words will be heard differently than you may intend them; people will hear them as functions of the power relationship you have with them.
- Speak with people not to people.
- Stay in the moment: care more about who ever you’re speaking with than what you’re going to say or do next.
- Speak with the person’s heart — not to the person’s shell.
- Watch you listener’s eyes. If you don’t get an active response, try something different.
- Be aware that any perceived status difference changes the interpretation.
- Slow down: most people can speak faster than others can listen.
- Give honest praise to whatever the other is doing which enlarges his grasp of life
- The praise needs to be specific – not simply saying “great work!”
- Check for understanding: CAPS
- Give your whole hearted attention— no interruptions and no iphone.